Don't akumatize me, you old creep
by ReeseJaelyn
Summary: Crack!fic. Was just a one-shot about what would happen if Hawkmoth tried to akumatize Marinette. Adrinette if you squint. Rated T for swearing. Now a multi-chapter fic.
1. Chapter 1

**Just a one-shot about what would happen if Hawkmoth tried to akumatize Marinette. Adrinette if you squint.**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own Miraculous: Tales of Ladybug and Chat Noir. All rights go to creators.**

"Gosh Nathaniel that really is a terrible drawing" Chloe drawled while making her way up the steps of the classroom. "And Rose? That perfume smells like it belongs in a zoo." Chloe cackled, while slowly making her way through insulting every single one of her classmates. Marinette fumed silently at her seat, not wanting to do anything in fear of getting in trouble. "Oh Juleka sweetie? The punk rock band called. They want their goth back."

"Ugh," Marinette thought, "That one was even worse."

"Ooh Alya," Chloe sneered, "Updating your stupid Ladyblog again? No one even cares about it or you. I'm ten more times popular than you'll ever be."

"SHUT UP!" Yelled Marinette. The room fell silent. Everybody stared at her. Marinette was usually quiet and sweet, and no one had ever seen her yell before. Adrien turned around to look at her, but Marinette didn't even notice. She put both hands on her desk and pushed herself up to a standing position.

"Who do you think you are?" Chloe demanded, still holding Nathaniel's drawing in her hand. "Do you even know who I-" She was silenced by Marinette's hand. Marinette snatched Nathaniel's drawing from Chloe and clenched it her fist, furious at Chloe's antics.

"Of course I know who you are Chloe! You never let anyone forget! You're the spoiled brat daughter of a man who doesn't deserve to be mayor! You beat down everyone around you because you can. Just because you can, doesn't mean you should. I'm so sick of your shit Chloe!" Everyone was silent for a minute until Nino noticed the purple butterfly that was flying through the window.

"It's an akuma!" He yelled. The akuma flew straight towards Marinette and landed in the paper that was clenched in her hand. Marinette looked down for a minute, before her head shot up with a butterfly shaped mask around her eyes.

"Oh no oh no!" Thought Adrien. "Marinette is going to be akumatized!" Then he heard Hawkmoth's voice. For some reason, it seemed to be resonating in the heads of everyone in the room, instead of just Marinette like it used to be.

"Marionette. You used to be pushed around, but now, as the puppet master, you'll be pulling the strings. And in return, all you need to do is get me Ladybug and Chat Noir's miraculous!" Adrien started to back away, ready to run out of the door and transform so he could fight Marinette. But before he could leave, he heard the most astonishing thing he'd heard since he became Chat Noir.

"Ummmm… no" Marinette said.

"Wh-what?" Hawkmoth stuttered. He clearly wasn't used to his akumas talking back.

"Sorry, man, but I just, like, don't wanna terrorize the city. I mean seriously, why would I say yes to this offer?" Adrien blinked. Quiet, shy Marinette had just sassed Hawkmoth.

"Because," Hawkmoth said, desperate to have an akuma, "Chloe Bourgeois needs to be taken down. You said it yourself. She beats down everyone around her."

"Whoa okay," Marinette said, "1. How did you know what I said? Are you, like, always spying on us? That's seriously creepy. And 2, Sure, Chloe's an asshole,"

"Hey!" Chloe interjected

"And, like, the meanest person I've every met," Marinette continued, "But that doesn't mean I wanna, like, murder her! I just want to kind of punch her."

"But-but" Hawkmoth stammered

"You know, right in her stupid face." Marinette finished. "Besides, why on Earth would I want to take Ladybug and Chat Noir's miraculous? They're the ones that protect us from creepy weirdos like you. So thanks for the offer, but no thanks." With that, Marinette took the akumatized piece of paper in her hand, ripped in half, and threw it on the floor. The butterfly mask disappeared and the akuma fluttered out. Before anyone could react, Marinette backflipped over to the teacher's desk, and emptied out her jar of pencils on the ground before trapping the akuma in the jar.

"Okay." Marinette said, sliding a piece of paper under the jar so she could keep the akuma inside. "Now to bring this to Ladybug." The class' awe wore off as they surrounded Marinette, cheering and screaming. No one had ever resisted Hawkmoth's influence before and destroyed their own akumatized object. Marinette was seriously impressive. Adrien was looking at her in a whole new light. It was only the loud, obnoxious laughing of Chloe that brought them all back to reality.

"Ha! Don't make me laugh. As if you knows Ladybug. Ladybug and I are besties. She wouldn't dirty herself with the likes of you." Before Adrien could yell at her, Marinette interjected.

"Oh my god Chloe, Ladybug hates you! You are mean, obnoxious, and you've cause legit half of the akumas she's had to fight!" Marinette was still seething at Chloe, but claiming that Ladybug was her best friend? That was ridiculous.

"Oh? And how would you know that, Maritrash?" Chloe sneered. Adrien felt bad for Marinette. He doubted she had evidence that proved how Ladybug hated Chloe.

"Because-because," Marinette stuttered, looking uncomfortable.

"Ha I told you you didn't know-" Chloe started, but Marinette interrupted her.

"You know what? SCREW YOU! Tikki, Spots On!" Something flew out of her purse, got sucked into her earrings, then there was a flash of red light, and Ladybug stood in Marinette's place. Adrien's mouth fell open, and the rest of the class followed suit. "Because I hate you Chloe!" With that, she grabbed her yo-yo, released the akuma from the jar, and said "Time to de-evilize!" She caught the akuma in her yo-yo. She then tapped the middle, and a white butterfly flew out. "Bye bye little butterfly!" Marinette, no Ladybug, said, waving at the insect flying back out the window. The entire class stared at her.

"Well," said Marinette calmly, "There goes that secret."

The End!

 **Well I did not mean for this to be an identity reveal… oh well.**


	2. Chapter 2

**So I got a lot of reviews from people asking me to continue this so I thought I'd give it a shot.**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own Miraculous: The Tales of Ladybug and Chat Noir. All rights go to Thomas Astruc and the other creators.**

"Oh Marinette" Tikki sighed. "How are we going to get out of this one?" Marinette didn't reply, choosing to instead bang her head against her desk, rattling her sewing supplies. As soon as she had, in a fit of anger, revealed her identity to the entire class, she watched for a few seconds as the entire class stared at her, before wordlessly backflipping out of the window and flying away on her yoyo. She immediately barricaded herself inside of her room and stared at her computer, waiting for the inevitable news report about her secret identity.

"I can't believe I just revealed my identity to the entire class!" Marinette cried as she buried her head in her hands. Her phone buzzed next to her head, and Marinette sighed in despair. "Here it comes," she thought. The text on her phone was from Alya and it simply read:

"Girl, if you don't get back to this classroom right now I'm going to kick your butt, Ladybug or not."

"Should I go back?" Marinette asked the little kwami hovering over her shoulder. Tikki shrugged.

"It couldn't hurt."

"Yes it could," Marinette replied, "It could hurt very much." Tikki just stared at her with her large, anime-like eyes. "Fine," Marinette grumbled. "Tikki, Spots On!" She felt the familiar red bodysuit cover her and she jumped out the window of her bedroom. Marinette paused a few times on her 30-second journey to the school to pose for some fans, or sign some autographs, because she was a good superhero. No, she was not stalling. Certainly not.

When she arrived at the school 10 minutes later, she cautiously and quietly backflipped into the classroom and detransformed in a blinding flash of light, trying to not draw any attention to herself.

"There you are Marinette." Alya said, hands on her hips. Marinette cursed to herself, quietly. It seemed that they'd seen her come in.

"Hey…guys," Marinette said weakly. "How's it going?" Alya began to respond but before she could, Marinette cut her off. "Wait hold up, why is Kim sitting on Chloe and Sabrina?" Sure enough, in the back of the classroom, Kim was lying across one ginger and one blonde on the floor.

"Oh," said Alya, "Well they were going to tell the world your secret. So… Kim sat on them."

"Well," replied Marinette, "alrighty then. Wait, does that mean that you guys won't reveal my secret?" Alya smiled.

"We certainly have a lot to talk about, but everyone in here has promised not to reveal who you are. Well, everyone except Chloe, Sabrina, and Adrien." Alya said. Marinette's heart sank.

"You mean Adrien won't keep my secret?" Marinette asked sadly.

"That's not really the issue," Alya clarified, "You kind of…broke him." Marinette's eyes glanced over to Adrien's chair, which was vacant. She looked a little lower to see the usually calm and composed model rocking back and forth on the ground muttering things to himself and making heart eyes at the wall in front of him.

"Um.. Adrien?" Marinette said cautiously. "Are you alright?" Adrien glanced up at her and smiled.

"Of course Princess. I mean- My Lady. I MEAN- MARINETTE." Adrien nearly shouted. "It's fine everything's fine." He added unconvincingly. A nuclear bomb could have hit the room and event then, Marinette would only be able to focus on the fact that Adrien had called her "Princess" and "My Lady," 2 things that only Cat Noir called her.

"Kitten?" She asked tentatively. Adrien nodded slightly, still curled up the fetal position on the classroom floor. "Nope." Marinette declared "Nope nope nopity nope nope nope." She then promptly collapsed on the floor next to Adrien and assumed the same position as her partner. It was at that moment that Ms. Bustier entered the room, expecting the class to be a bit rowdy, per usual, but overall ready to start learning. What she did not expect to see was an open window, Kim sitting on Sabrina and Chloe, and Adrien and Marinette rocking back and forth on the ground under a desk.

"What's going on here?" Ms. Bustier asked.

"Ah yes," replied Alya nervously, "that."


	3. Chapter 3

**People have been BEGGING me to continue this, so I figured I'd make it a series. How many chapters will it be? Don't know. Please don't ask. I'll keep going as long as the interest remains.**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own Miraculous: the Tales of Ladybug and Chat Noir. All rights go to Thomas Astruc, Zagtoon, and the other creators.**

 _Previously, on Miraculous_

 _"_ _Kitten?" She asked tentatively. Adrien nodded slightly, still curled up the fetal position on the classroom floor. "Nope." Marinette declared "Nope nope nopity nope nope nope." She then promptly collapsed on the floor next to Adrien and assumed the same position as her partner. It was at that moment that Ms. Bustier entered the room, expecting the class to be a bit rowdy, per usual, but overall ready to start learning. What she did not expect to see was an open window, Kim sitting on Sabrina and Chloe, and Adrien and Marinette rocking back and forth on the ground under a desk._

 _"_ _What's going on here?" Ms. Bustier asked._

 _"_ _Ah yes," replied Alya nervously, "that."_

"Well?" Ms. Bustier asked impatiently. "Please, someone, explain to me why Marinette and Adrien are in the fetal position on the ground and why Kim is sitting on Chloe and Sabrina." Alya laughed nervously, but offered no explanation, and everyone else in the room seemed to suddenly have something very interesting to look at. Nino stared at his untied sneakers, Nathaniel examined a colored pencil, and Kim began whistling from his position atop Chloe and Sabrina's prone bodies.

Alya sighed, then began to speak. "Well, you see, what happened was-" she was cut off by a scream. All eyes turned to their hero and savior who was still rocking back and forth on the ground like a small child.

"I kissed him," Marinette muttered, "I kissed Adrien." This finally seemed to break Adrien out of his Ladybug haze.

"What, what? When did that happen?" he asked incredulously.

"During the Dark Cupid incident," Marinette began shyly. "I had to break you out of your spell, so I kissed you."

"Woo-hoo!" Kim cheered from the back of the room. "My broken heart brought Ladybug and Chat Noir together in love!"

"Ugh, this is so lame. I can't believe my darling Adrien would sully himself with the likes of Maritrash. I mean-" Kim shifted his weight as a warning, effectively cutting Chloe off. But it was too late. The damage had been done.

"Maritrash?" Adrien asked quietly. "mARITRASH?" He stalked up the aisle before crouching in front of Chloe. "How dare you? How fucking dare you? That is the girl that I lov- I mean like a lot and you think that you have the right to insult her like that?"

Marinette choked on air. Literal smoke came out of Chloe's ears. But before Chloe could open her mouth and say something bitchy, a horde of black butterflies smashed through the classroom window before hovering above Ms. Bustier's desk. The butterflies arranged themselves to create Hawkmoth's face, exactly like they had done on the first day of school. The butterfly-Hawkmoth opened his eyes and grinned at the class.

"Ah, Ladybug, it seems that your identity has finally been revealed. And to think, all this time, that you were just a silly little teenager, and all I had to do was attempt to akumatize you for you to reveal who you were in front of my akuma."

"…"

"And now that I know who you are, you will give me your miraculous, or your friends and family will die. Any questions?"

Marinette raised her hand high up in the air and waved it around.

"Um… yes? You."

"Why 'Hawkmoth'?" Marinette asked in a calm voice.

"What?" he stuttered

"I mean, I get the moth part. Kind of. Moths are similar to butterflies, and Hawk-butterfly isn't a very intimidating name. Well, neither is Hawkmoth…"

Hawkmoth blinked in confusion.

"But, like, where does the 'hawk' come from? Do you have some sort of secret mega-attack that lets you make evil hawks? 'Cause if not, that shit's just irrelevant, and it really screws up the productivity of your branding. You gotta have a snappy, catchy name that makes sense for you and inspires fear in Paris' citizens. It could have been like 'Darkwings,' or at least 'Deathmoth."

"Are yo— I just threatened to murder your friends and family and you're criticizing my super villain name?" Hawkmoth didn't know whether to be angry or incredulous.

Marinette shrugged. "I can criticize a lot more than just your name, if you want. Your powers are kind of shit, too. I mean, Chat Noir can literally destroy anything he touches and I can fucking reverse time and shit do undo whatever damage you've done. So he and I are doing all this cool stuff over here and you're like 'Oh, look at me, I can make a man really tiny and put him inside a teddy bear. Fear me.' It's just lame."

Hawkmoth's eyes narrowed, as if he was trying to shoot laser beams out of them in order to incinerate Marinette.

"You know what?" Hawkmoth's voice cracked as he said this, like he was going to cry, "Fuck you!"

And with that, the thousands of akumas that had made up his holographic face flew out of formation, all of them heading towards the back of the classroom, where a livid Chloe Bourgeois was still writhing under her classmate's body.


	4. Chapter 4

**Alrighty, time for chapter 4. Just a quick heads up, I don't plan this stuff out at all. This is just my brain splattering over a pages document. *Shrugs***

 **Disclaimer: I don't own Miraculous: the Tales of Ladybug and Chat Noir. All rights go to Thomas Astruc, Zagtoon, and the other creators.**

 _Previously, on Don't Akumatize Me, You Old Creep_

 _"_ _You know what?" Hawkmoth's voice cracked as he said this, like he was going to cry, "Fuck you!"_

 _And with that, the thousands of akumas that had made up his holographic face flew out of formation, all of them heading towards the back of the classroom, where a livid Chloe Bourgeois was still writhing under her classmate's body._

"Well, shit." Marinette said. Adrien shuffled back towards his partner as Kim and Sabrina were thrown away from Chloe's prone form and knocked against a wall.

Adrien squinted at the slowly transforming Chloe. "Is it just me," he asked, "or does it look like the akumas are going inside of her body instead of inside of a precious object or something." Sure enough, the thousands of black butterflies that had comprised the visage of Hawkmoth were slowly being absorbed into the girl's body as she grew in size.

"Oh dang." Marinette said apathetically. "I guess you'll have to cataclysm Chloe. What a shame." Adrien gave her a look. Marinette shrugged.

"We can find a way around this that doesn't involve murdering my childhood friend" said Adrien with a stern face. His expression softened when he looked at Marinette, however, and he took her hand with his own. "We'll figure this out, Princess. We always do." Marinette smiled at him, and both teens blushed a furious scarlet.

"Adrien, there's… there's something I've been wanting to tell you for a long time." The two teenagers, kept apart by masks for so long, leaned into one another, ready to make their dreams a reality.

"HEY CAN WE DO THIS LATER?" Screamed Alya from under a desk. "Chloe's trying to kill all of us right now, and y'all are my OTP and shit but we _do not have time for this."_

Marinette and Adrien pulled away from each other and blushed again. "Ready to do this Minou?" Adrien nodded, and they both called upon their transformations and became their heroic alter egos.

 _"_ _Oh my god,"_ Marinette thought when both of their transformations were complete. _"I've been looking at Adrien fucking Agreste in a tight leather suit this whole time. I am so in love"._

 _Oh my god,"_ Adrien thought when both of their transformations were compete. _"I haven't done my physics homework yet."_

A loud scream broke them out of their musings. Chloe had completely absorbed all of the akumas and was now glowing a brilliant purple. When the light faded, Chloe was visible again, where a suit that was strikingly similar to Hawkmoth's, including the butterfly broach on her neck. She grinned menacingly at the rest of the class, recognition for her classmates absent in her eyes.

"This time you will not escape me," Chloe said, but instead of the nasally bitch voice that usually came out of her, Hawkmoth's voice resonated from the spoiled teenager. "I will finally have your mira—"

Hawkmoth was abruptly cut off by Marinette bursting into laughter.

"HAHAHAHAHAHAH OH MY GOD THAT'S GOLDEN!"

Hawkmoth-Chloe, or as she will be known from here on out, HawkChloe, blinked and contorted her face into a frown. "What's so funny, Ladybug?"

"It's just… it's just…." Marinette wiped the tears from her eyes and stood up straight. "Hearing your creepy old man voice coming out of Chloe Bourgeois' body is exquisite and also the best thing I've ever seen."

HawkChloe's eyes narrowed. Marinette wheezed, then straightened.

"Okay, okay. I'm good now. Let's do this," she said, grabbing her yo-yo off of her waist. HawkChloe held out her hand and a short purple staff appeared in her grip, which she then slammed into the ground. The earth shook as cracks started to form from where the staff hit the ground before spreading across the classroom and widening to reveal gaping holes in the floor.

"Well, fuck."


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: I don't own Miraculous: the Tales of Ladybug and Chat Noir. All rights go to Thomas Astruc, Zagtoon, and the other creators.**

 _Previously, on Don't Akumatize Me, You Old Creep…_

 _"_ _It's just… it's just…." Marinette wiped the tears from her eyes and stood up straight. "Hearing your creepy old man voice coming out of Chloe Bourgeois' body is exquisite and also the best thing I've ever seen."_

 _HawkChloe's eyes narrowed. Marinette wheezed, then straightened._

 _"_ _Okay, okay. I'm good now. Let's do this," she said, grabbing her yo-yo off of her waist. HawkChloe held out her hand and a short purple staff appeared in her grip, which she then slammed into the ground. The earth shook as cracks started to form from where the staff hit the ground before spreading across the classroom and widening to reveal gaping holes in the floor._

 _"_ _Well, fuck."_

Screams were heard as the members of Ms. Bustier's class scrambled away from the new holes that had appeared roughly every two feet on the classroom floor. Ladybug and Cat Noir jumped backwards onto Ms. Bustier's desk to avoid the new gaps in the flooring. HawkChloe could be heard cackling maliciously.

"Okay, you get everyone out of here and I'll distract her," yelled Ladybug over the din of their panicked classmates. Cat Noir nodded his approval before starting to evacuate the classroom. Ladybug grimaced at the scene, trying to think of a plan of how to distract HawkChloe without using her Lucky Charm so early in the fight. As she was about to begin using tactical maneuvers that she typically utilized in akuma fights, she remembered that she was fighting Chloe. She may be a Chloe in a dapper purple suit, but it was still Chloe fucking Bourgeois. Leaping over to the table where Chloe usually sat, Ladybug grabbed the most expensive looking backpack and dumped the contents onto the table. HawkChloe's head whipped around towards Ladybug's direction at the clattering noise that ensued.

"What do you think you're doing, child?" HawkChloe sneered. "I am all powerful. I will not be distracted by such foolish trinkets and bau- NOOOOOOOO!" HawkChloe's voice suddenly became much higher pitched and bitchy-sounding. "Mari-trash, that cost more than your family's bakery! Don't touch that with your peasant hands."

Ladybug winked and snapped another makeup palette in half with her bare hands, before throwing it into one of HawkChloe's floor holes. HawkChloe's face reddened. Cat re-entered the room after helping everyone escape the classroom, saw what Ladybug was doing, and quickly joined in on the plan. Cat Noir smacked HawkChloe in the face with his staff before pinning her to the ground.

"Keep going, Bugaboo!" He yelled. "Maybe we can make her mad enough to… oh I don't know, I'm making this up as I go!'

HawkChloe growled and scratched at Cat Noir as Ladybug continued rampaging through the contents of Chloe's backpack and destroying anything that looked expensive.

"This isn't working, Cat! We're going to have to come up with another plan to de-akumatize her."

HawkChloe finally shoved Cat Noir off of her before standing up to her full, not-very-imposing height. Her face twitched and a serenity settled over her visage that was not very Chloe-esque.

"Fuck, I think Hawkmoth is back in control," Ladybug observed.

HawkChloe jumped out of the window, sprinting across the courtyard and disappearing from view. Ladybug threw her arms above her head.

"We won."

Cat Noir looked at her.

Ladybug shrugged.

"Why don't you call your Lucky Charm? That might help us think of something."

Ladybug complied, throwing her yo-yo in the air and yelling "Lucky Charm!"

A small hunting knife fell into her outstretched palm. Ladybug grinned.

"Alley Cat, I really think we're going to have to kill Chloe," she said a little too excitedly.

"We're not murdering her, Bugaboo," Cat Noir retorted.

"But I got a knife, dude, what else are we going to do?"

"I don't know, you always do crazy bullshit with your lucky charm that doesn't every seem like it should work and always seems way too complicated. Just do that."

The two had a quick staring contest. Cat Noir won.

"Ugh, fine. Let's go chase her down and see what we come up with." The two superheroes jumped out of the classroom window and, following the trail of destruction that HawkChloe had left in her wake, found a train speeding along the tracks with a gaping hole in the roof. Sharing a quick look and a nod, Ladybug and Cat Noir jumped onto the train and through the roof hole, dropping into the car below. The car was empty of civilians and the only living being in sight other than the heroes was a dapper teenaged girl in a purple suit that was grinning at them through the door to the next car. HawkChloe turned and started walking towards the caboose of the train, holding up one finger and beckoning the heroes to follow her.

Ladybug stuck out her tongue and gave HawkChloe's back the finger. Cat Noir smacked her hand. Side-by-side, the two opened the door between the train cars and moved to follow their arch-nemesis into what could be their final battle. Before they did, however, Ladybug grabbed Cat's arm and held him back.

"I know that this is gonna be tough. But we can do this together. We've never been stronger than we are now, and I know we have the power to defeat this evil if we work as a team. That being said, let's go fuck her shit up."


End file.
